Mark Manson

To be happy we need something to

solve. Happiness is therefore a form of

action; it’s an activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you, not something that you magically discover in a top-ten article on the Huffington Post or from any specific guru or teacher. It doesn’t magically appear when you

finally make enough money to add on that extra room to the house. You don’t find it waiting for you in a place, an idea, a job—or even a book, for that matter.

Happiness is a constant work-in-

progress

It’s not easy because you’re going to feel like a loser, a fraud, a dumbass at first. You’re going to be nervous. You’re going to freak out. You may get pissed off at your wife or your friends or your father in the process. These are all side effects of changing your values, of changing the fucks you’re giving. But they are inevitable.

There’s an old adage: I’d rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

Fundamental Emotional Needs in Dating:

1.Status. Feeling important or superior; feeling challenged.

2.Connection. Feeling understood and appreciated; shared values and experiences.

3.Security. Feeling safe and reliable; feeling trust.

Fundamental Emotional Needs in Dating:

1.Status. Feeling important or superior; feeling challenged.

2.Connection. Feeling understood and appreciated; shared values and experiences.

3.Security. Feeling safe and reliable; feeling trust.

The normal and healthy need for security and commitment can become an unhealthy form of possessiveness, obsession and jealousy.

Tell him that it’s important for you to feel that he supports you and approves of you and when he criticizes you, especially in front of other people, you don’t feel that way. From there, he’s likely to tell you that, in his mind, his criticisms are his way of supporting you.

But the best part is that the process itself validates the important feelings underlying the problems — your boyfriend is critical of you because he cares, your girlfriend is arrogant only because she feels insecure around you, and you get angry because you’re afraid she won’t like you anymore.

you stop hating yourself for feeling so bad

Because when you give too many fucks—when you give a fuck about everyone and everything—you will feel that you’re perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the fucking way you want it to be. This is a sickness. And it will eat you alive.