MBMBaM 418: Trial of the Riddlemancers

GREETINGS, TRAVELER. You find yourself locked within the deepest depths of our Dastardly Podcast Labyrinth! There is only one escape: Solve these ingenious, crowdsourced riddles! We found them on the very worst website we've ever been to.
Sugested talking points: A Lot of Vasectomy Chat, White Hat Aldi Hacker, Badass Kung Fu Panda Quotes, Riddles.com, Fountains of Pain