Maggy van Eijk

One condition at a time is relatively manageable but when they all flare up at once it feels like I’m walking around with my head on fire. Only no one can see the blaze.

The world in which depression and anxiety reign supreme is extremely lonely

I love lists. They impose a sense of organization onto a lot of the chaos that whizzes around in my head.

it’s important to remember that there is no blueprint for experiencing a mental health problem. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution either.

anxiety is like having a crystal ball, but the ball is distorted and cloudy and everything in there is the most messed-up version of events

It’s the thing people really underestimate about panic attacks. It’s not a matter of “just calm down.” You can’t, because it feels like you’re trapped inside your own body, and the only escape is the relief you’ll feel when the light finally goes out.

On a day-to-day basis, anxiety can shapeshift and manifest in lots of different ways. It’s a constant presence; a cloud that won’t leave you alone or a whisper in your ear that won’t go away.

Everything is shrouded in the negative view that I have about myself, my friends, my work, everything. Any moments of joy are short-lived and quickly spoiled by a bitter fluid.

When depression takes over, the lights go out. This isn’t to say that anxiety is easier to live with, but I have been able to at least attempt productive coping mechanisms when it comes to anxiety. Depression makes that harder.

I longed to be transparent. No blood or gore. No corpse lying around for someone else to clear up. No one would be too traumatized. I could text everyone saying I’m absolutely fine, I just decided to exit stage left and never come back again. No biggie.