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harmful behaviors you’ve learned from her and the pain you’ve carried with you for so long are not a permanent legacy. As I will remind you throughout this book, despite what she’s told you, you are the healthy one. You can change.
She holds out promise and praise that disappear when you prove to have a mind of your own. And she tries to mold you by making you feel guilty if you don’t go along with her wishes and needs.
To an engulfing mother, love means:
• You are my everything, and that makes you responsible for my happiness.
• You can’t live without me, and I can’t live without you.
• You are not allowed to have a life that doesn’t involve me.
• You are not allowed to keep any secrets from me.
• You must never love anyone more than you love me.
• If you don’t want what I want, it means you don’t love me.
• “No” means you don’t love me.
• You are my everything, and that makes you responsible for my happiness.
• You can’t live without me, and I can’t live without you.
• You are not allowed to have a life that doesn’t involve me.
• You are not allowed to keep any secrets from me.
• You must never love anyone more than you love me.
• If you don’t want what I want, it means you don’t love me.
• “No” means you don’t love me.
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