And knowing or believing that God existed but avoiding him probably instilled in me a lot of shame and guilt.
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There’s nothing wrong with that. I wasn’t avoiding “God.” I was avoiding myself.
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I do know that I am in continuous need of the Spiritual and that I usually go to great lengths to avoid it.
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It’s not about doing “enough” or “too little.” It’s not about shame and guilt. It’s about You. It’s about the collective Us.
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“To be a saint means to be myself.” What if that were true? What is it that we need to overcome in order to truly be “Ourselves”?
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I begrudge God none of this. I do not curse him or bemoan my lot. And though my heart keeps beating only to keep breaking—I do not question why.
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“Now I understand why the sun comes up at day and the stars come out at night. I understand why rain falls gently. Now I understand you, Mother”
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The world tells me that God is in Heaven and that my son is in Hell. I tell the world the one true thing I know: If my son is in Hell, then there is no Heaven—because if my son sits in Hell, there is no God.
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Judas Iscariot committed the one unforgivable sin. Everybody knows it— EL-FAYOUMY:—The sin of despair! JUDGE LITTLEFIELD. And then he did the world a favor and hung himself!
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was like a catatonic statue of a former human being. And I detected sadness in him. Paralyzing, immobilizing, overwhelming sadness.
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