Be the best feminist you can be—or at least look like one—with this definitive manual, from the satirical creators of the wildly popular “feminist Onion” humor website, Reductress.

From hot feminist sex to a trendy feminist up-do, the bold and brilliant minds behind Reductress reveal the secrets to being super progressive—and cool, hip, and pretty. Feminism today means demanding gender equality—and a fabulous manicure. After all, we’re not wearing girdles and cleaning the house anymore. We’re wearing Spanx and hiring a cleaning lady. That’s feminism!

How to Win at Feminism defines what’s feminist and what isn’t, shows you how to take up space (but not too much space), identifies which clothes and products to be offended by, and offers funny insight, knowledge, tips, and advice every fourth-wave feminist needs, including:

How to Love Your Body Even Though Hers is BetterThe 9 Circles of Hell for Women Who Don’t Help Other Women Designer Handbags to Hold All Your FeminismHow to Apologize for Having it AllFinding Your Spirit FeministRebranding Your Relationship Issues as Feminist IssuesHow to Do More With 33 Cents Less

With this ultimate guide—complete with four-color sidebars and illustrations—you can femsplain feminism to basic friends, and and learn how to battle the patriarchy while maintaining a dependable moisturizing routine. We may have come a long way, baby, but we have a long way to go. How to Win at Feminism is the road map to get there!

Anna Drezen