To Catch a Firefly

Papa is smiling when he steps back. He smiles a lot at Daddy. I think that might be love.

Before Daddy can turn off the lights, I look up at the fireflies. He told me once that they’re Papa. That Papa is bright and beautiful and he was born with wings, which is why he flies away every few months. I asked if that makes him sad, but Daddy said no. Because Papa always flies home to us.

“You never did tell me the story behind this. The two blue boutonnieres. Your big romance. What happened that day at prom?”

Ellis steps to the side, letting me see the center of the table. On it, glimmering slightly from the glow of the candles and fireflies overhead, is a glass heart. An anatomical heart. I pick it up gently, the piece fitting perfectly in my palm. It’s blue, and something within the substance makes it glitter in the light.
“Ellis,” I say, at a loss for words.
“My heart,” he says simply. “It’s yours.”

“Me and you, El,” I whisper against his lips. “It’ll always be me and you.”

“Promise me something,” he says, turning his face. My lips brush his cheek.
Anything.
“Promise we’ll still do this when we’re sixty or eighty or a hundred. I want a lifetime with you, El. Me and you. ’Til the end of time.”
I draw an X over Lucky’s heart.
Promise.

He’s so lovely. So utterly gorgeous, and I know, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to explain to him the depth of what he makes me feel. How he means comfort and safety. How I long for him with an intensity I don’t even fully understand. How he makes me brave and, at times, a little fierce, just like him. How, when we’re together, all I can see is blue. He’s blue, and our story is washed in it.

You’re the air I breathe.

“You say I’m your firefly?”
I nod. Yes.
“Well you’re my goddamn moon, Ellis. You call, I come.”
“I… I never asked for that.”
“You didn’t have to.”

You’re my firefly, and you deserve the life you’ve always strived to live. You won’t lose me just because you’re gone. I’ll always be here waiting. I just ask that you come back to me.
Keep flying back to me.