Getting More

10. Find the Real Problem and Make It an Opportunity.
Few people find or fix the real, underlying problem in negotiations. Ask, “What is really preventing me from meeting my goals?” To find the real problem, you have to find out why the other party is acting the way they are. It may not be obvious at first. You have to probe until you find it. You have to get into their shoes. A dispute over a child’s curfew or a business valuation may really be a problem of trust and an opportunity for a better relationship. And problems are only the start of the analysis. They usually can be turned into negotiation opportunities. View problems as such.
11. Embrace Differences.

8. Be Transparent and Constructive, Not Manipulative.
This is one of the biggest differences between Getting More and the conventional wisdom. Don’t deceive people. They will find out and the long-term payoff is poor. Be yourself. Stop trying to be tougher, nicer, or something you’re not. People can detect fakers. Being real is highly credible, and credibility is your biggest asset. If you’re in a bad mood or too aggressive, or don’t know something, say so. It will help take the issue away. Your approach and your attitude are critical. This does not mean being a patsy or disclosing everything up front. It does mean being honest, being real.

These tools work for all of them. And they will work for you, too.
Like Ben Friedman, who almost always asks the companies whose services he uses if new customers are treated better than existing, loyal customers like himself—for example, with discounts or other promotions. By asking that question one day, Ben got 33 percent off his existing New York Times subscription.
Or Soo Jin Kim, who looks for connections everywhere. One day she saved $200 a year for her daughter’s after-school French program. How? Before asking for a discount, she made a human connection with the school’s manager, talking about her trips to France. These strategies will save you a little here, a little there. But it can add up to many thousands of dollars a year.

These teachings are very different from what you have read or studied about negotiation. Based on psychology, they don’t depend on “win-win” or “win-lose.” They don’t depend on being a “hard” or “soft” bargainer. They don’t depend on a rational world, on who has the most power, or on phrases that make much of negotiation seem inaccessible and impractical. Instead, they are based on how people perceive, think, feel, and live in the real world. And they will help anyone do what this book suggests: get more

What are they? First, be dispassionate; emotion destroys negotiations. You must force yourself to be calm.
Second, prepare, even for five seconds. Collect your thoughts.
Third, find the decision-maker. Here, it was the pilot. There was not a second to waste on the gate agent, who was not about to change company policy.
Fourth, focus on your goals, not on who is right. It didn’t matter if the connecting airline was late, or wrong in not calling ahead to the gate. The goal was to get on the plane to Paris.
Fifth, make human contact. People are almost everything in a negotiation.
And finally, acknowledge the other party’s position and power, valuing them. If you do, they will often use their authority to help you achieve your goals

acknowledge the other party’s position and power, valuing them. If you do, they will often use their authority to help you achieve your goals

focus on your goals, not on who is right. It didn’t matter if the connecting airline was late, or wrong in not calling ahead to the gate. The goal was to get on the plane to Paris

First, be dispassionate; emotion destroys negotiations. You must force yourself to be calm