The Oberon Book of Modern Monologues for Men: Volume Two

Using our poltergeist powers turn off a light

On October the tenth, at ten o’clock precisely.

The tenth of the tenth at ten.

All the tens, you said.

Never gonna forget that, are we?

We spat in our hands and shook: I shook Welly’s hand,

Welly shook Rob’s hand, Rob shook Huw McArthur’s, Huw

McArthur shook yours, and then you shook mine

And shaking spit round the gang

Sealed our oath –

That for the rest of our lives, on the tenth of the tenth, at ten

We would all be looking out

For a message from the dead, in the dying of an electric light.

And then we all had to finish our chips eating with the wrong hands

Cos our right hands were covered in spit.

…

And yeah

That first year

On the tenth of the tenth, at ten

I was on the look-out.

LOVE STEALS US FROM LONELINESS

by Gary Owen

This play was commissioned and produced by the National Theatre Wales and its first performance was at Hobos, Bridgend on 7 October 2010.

Set in Bridgend in Wales, Love Steals Us from Loneliness focuses on the family and friends of a teenager (Lee) killed in a car accident. SCOTT was Lee’s best friend. He confessed love for Catrin, Lee’s girlfriend, and kissed her. Catrin told Lee and, consequently, Lee stormed off in his car. This excerpt occurs in the second half of the play when SCOTT remembers back to a time when he, Welly, Huw, Rob and Lee made a pact that whoever died first would send a message to the others (proving there was life after death). However, after Lee’s death, the message didn’t come at the agreed time.

SCOTT

We used to go for chips every dinner time.

We’d cross Merthyr Mawr Road, then cut in the back of the tennis club.

Then by the side of the river, into town.

There was a chip shop with a pool hall above.

It’s a rock club now.

You may know it.

We’d bomb down there and wander back

Stopping on the bridge, sitting on the stones in Newbridge

Fields for a bit

With chip cones steaming off vinegar in our hands.

One day you said

D’you think you go on after you die?

Or is that just it, once you’re gone you’re gone?

You said, it’d be handy to know either way.

But so far no-one in history had figured it out.

And you said

Well then boys.

Looks like it’s down to us.

We decided that whoever ghosted first should return and

worked. You could see its heart or whatever. And I started to think, you know, how much of a dog could you actually get rid of and it would still work.

I was looking it up on the internet and stuff. Like, what’s like actually inside a dog?

And there were pictures from like scientific experiments and stuff where there’s only, there’s not quite a whole dog. It’s like, some of it’s been cut away. Like when you’ve started eating a chicken and it’s in the fridge the next day.

So I did sketches of these like science dogs. And you could see their skulls or whatever. Their ribs with a heart. Shaped like a proper heart.

Anyway.

It was quite lucky that my mum started getting really ill, in a way, because no one was thinking about Shreds. So I could just… No one was like, where’s Shreds?

And then I read this thing about where you take the bark out. Like you can actually debark them, surgically. Or not necessarily exactly surgically exactly. But so then it’s just… Because it’s easier after that.

But I wouldn’t do that to you. Necessarily.